Shorter, Fatter, Balder: Men’s misleading online profiles
It happens all the time. Women who are new to online dating complain, in outrage, about some guy who turned out to be an inch or two shorter — or a few pounds heavier — than he claimed in his profile. Well, I’m here to tell you ladies to get used to it. It’s my experience that the majority of men lie in their profiles. (Maybe a majority of women, too? I don’t have any experience dating women, so I wouldn’t know.) After almost a decade of online dating experience, I can say with absolute certainty that men are pretty insecure when it comes to their appearance. And that they’re shameless liars. I’ve talked with quite a few guys about this (friends, ex-boyfriends), and what they tell me is that they feel pressured to lie because everyone else is doing it.
Now, I kind of feel that that’s a load of crap, but that’s what’s happening. So much so that I’ve just started to expect all of the men I meet online to be shorter, fatter and balder than they are in their online profile/pictures. This becomes more extreme as the guys get older. Shorter is the biggest issue for the ones in their 20s, and then they get fatter and balder (than their pics) through their 30s and 40s.
You see, I feel it’s important to have realistic expectations, and when it comes to a first date with a guy I’ve met online, I feel like the realistic thing to expect is for him to not look much like his picture. This way, I’m not disappointed.
I know, this doesn’t quite seem fair or right. I post recent pictures of myself with my profile. And I always advise everyone, men and women, to use recent photos. But life isn’t always fair, and people don’t always play by the rules.
Speaking of which, let’s talk about what happens when Mr. Shorter/Fatter walks into the bar (as just happened to me the other night — in this case, he still had a full head of hair, but was a good 30 pounds heavier than his profile picture suggested). As far as I’m concerned, there is only one mature way to deal with this — smile. Smile and act like everything is fine. As a smart woman, you’ve gone into the date with the knowledge that his picture and profile might be misleading, so there’s no excuse to be rude or to say anything about the fact that you expected him to be taller or thinner. Just smile and be polite and make some pleasant conversation. What’s the worst that can happen — you spend 20 minutes with someone you’re not interested in? Who knows, maybe you’ll make a new friend.
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Ahh, a true misandrist speaks out. No polling the female side, but the requirement excused by a flippant “I don’t have any experience dating women”, as an excuse to not interview the other side. Great reporting skills Sweetie! You should have a job at the NY Times shortly. I do concur though, that men gain at least 2 inches in their ads. But women are to blame as well, if not more. They’ll post a pic from Glamor Shots, looking better than they ever will, lie about their weight, and lie about being “easy going” or having a sense of humor. Then you have to read their 3 paragraphs of requirements and dislikes, to hopefully glean the truth about them, which is impossible as there is nothing more sincere that a woman lying to you. The reason I dropped off the online dating circuit is that there are too many highly judgmental women out there, with a myriad of psychological disorders, all wanting “Mr. Perfect” that they read about in Cosmo. Guys, stay away from online dating. Go do what you like to do, and stop looking, then you’ll find someone. Taking Rosey Palm out is a lot more satisfying that sitting across from some lying misandrist, that really only wants to tolerate you for your income. And you don’t have to watch her inhale the most expensive item on the menu, as she tells you how great she is. :)
In response to Mr Massolo: Your response to the article gave me a good chuckle. I’m sure there are female offenders as well, but I am not one of them. I believe there are both honest people and people who misrepresent themselves in both genders. Unfortunately, your advice to go do what you like to do is not always helpful. For example, I like to dance but don’t typically meet any suitable men when I do so. The average age in the clubs is about 27, and I’m 41. I suppose if I like sports more, I might have a better chance. Anyway, I enjoyed your comment as it was much more intelligent than most. :)
yea ive experienced that, its like real life, u dont want wat u look like to get in the way of who u are. when u love someone, u love them, not wat they look like, your not marrying there body, your marrying them. honesty is best, i dont lie myself. but i dont go all out to make myself look horrible. being truthful works both ways. im not shallow myself. personaly i dont care wat anyone looks like if there a good person. but this is all just my personal opinion.
1st off – I’ll be straightforward in that yes I did find someone online (still with her, 18 months now) but it wasn’t from a site with profiles. I have however been on dates from free sites where you have a profile and here’s my 1 enormous observation on this whole picture thing – some people (both men & women) won’t necessarilly tell you what they look like AND they’ll only have pictures from their neck up. It’s not always the case – but a lot of times it means the person is insecure about their body and how others perceive it. It’s kinda sad in a sense – there are plenty of people out there that know there’s more to a person than physical appearance, but that easily gets forgotten and that’s why people hide things in pictures online quite often. Personally, I’ve gone on dates where this happened and I’m disappointed in a sense that I was misled to a certain extent – but I do understand why the girl hid it.
i agree with Mr massolo as to women lying and demanding mr perfect while they seem to have misplaced the decimal point (a few extra pounds) should read a few extra tons.yet she wont settle for anything less than a chiseled greek god with a six figure bank account with a full staff at his mansion…
I understand. I have also had people who were too good to be true on web sites. Either the guy was shorter or heavier, or had some other aspects that were unmentionable, one guy was willing to ride to a obstetrics appointment with me but then said something on the ride back that freaked me out, he was like, Oh you like that park over there? Thats where I am going to hide your body. He thought it was hillarious, but I was wondering where I had put the box cutter I had in my bag.
Fact is, you dont know what you have until you have it. Each situation is different and you should try to be open minded to getting a bit of unexpected suprise when searching online.
I find its best to mention that you are a big girl and you dont mean that you are grown up and leave it at that. Its straightforward without having to break out the measuring tape and lets the guy know that he is not going to be seeing a hooter girl. Men tend to think every girl they talk to IS a hooter girl unless you make sure that you specify that your NOT. Real love is accepting and loving others for everything they are. You can be with a bombshell and she can screw you out of your paycheck and your heart and your kids and blow up your life, or you can love a real girl who will love you back. Remember that.
From my experiences men are not the only online liars. I met 28 women from the cyber world in 2.5 years. Only 1 was close to being honest about herself. Been with her for 23 months and we really enjoy being with each other. You can find someone with whom you match online but you’re truly looking for someone special it’s a demanding job.
[...] I’ve said many times, and written about here and elsewhere, I pretty much expect these kinds of lies from guys. And the men who lie have stopped feeling [...]
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