“We date, therefore we text,” could be a modern girl’s motto. These wise words come to us via Olivia Baniuszewicz and Debra Goldstein, authors of the new book Flirtexting: How to Text Your Way to His Heart. When I first heard there was a book devoted to this, I was skeptical. I text a lot, I thought. But it’s not rocket science. But given that my motto could be, “I text, therefore I’m single,” I decided to read the book anyway and see if I could pick up some pointers. And — oh dear! — I had a lot to learn.

I was lucky enough to chat with the authors about what flirtexting means to the young and texty. Here are some of their tips and tricks to make this work for you.

Deb & Liv, the Textperts

When did the shift in our culture happen such that texting became an essential part of the mating game?
The shift began in the early 2000s along with the rise of cell phone use. Texting is a convenient way for people to connect with one another throughout our fast-paced lives. When we no longer have time to make a phone call, we now have the option of sending a text message. People are much more willing to check a text message than they are to return a call or listen to a voicemail.

Our culture recently picked up that texting with a potential mate helps enhance the connection they already made face to face. The act of exchanging flirty text messages while dating helps build upon that connection and furthers the development of the relationship. Hence, the text message has become today’s electronic love note.

Why must girls learn to flirtext?
Flirtexting has become a supplemental tool in today’s mating game. There is no argument that guys have taken to texting girls and girls to texting guys. Guys who are interested in girls can get nervous and a lot of the time will text message their lady of interest before making a call. Girls must learn to embrace this new electronic form of flirting and use it to their advantage to get what they want out of it.

Are there any rules for the flirtexting virgin?
Beginners should note a few important tips: if you want a date, don’t abbreviate. Also keep in mind that you should always respond back to a flirtext within 24 hours; anything beyond that reads uninterested. Lastly, know when to pick up the phone. Flirtexting is great for fun, light flirting throughout the day to keep a spark going or to reinforce it. If you have something lengthy or heavy to discuss, it’s best to pick up the phone.

How long should I wait to text someone after I met him if I want to see him again? How long should I wait to respond to his texts?
If a guy gets your number and sends you an initial text, then feel free to respond back within the following 24 hours. However just know that the sooner you respond, the more eager you will seem to him. If you like this guy and want to play your cards right, respond within the next 2-6 hours to let him know you’re into it, but hope there’s more to come!

What’s the best way to respond to unwanted or creepy texts?
Don’t respond. When a guy is being overbearing or super pushy over text, no matter what your response is, responding at all is feeding his hunger. Best way to get him to stop with the unwanted texts is to ignore him. Sooner or later he’ll take the hint.

What should you do if a guy you like doesn’t return your text?
It depends. If you’ve been in a texting marathon and he suddenly drops off your radar, you can send something funny to get him back on: “Should I assume you ran out of text minutes??” However if the situation finds you texting dead air to no avail, assume he’s just not that into your texts. Safe to say, you need to find a new flirtexting partner.

I find it can be hard to flirtext when I’m trying to be funny or sarcastic. Any tips for avoiding miscommunication?
If you think the person on the receiving end might not get your humor via text, pick up the phone and call. Or throw in one of these ;). That’s saying you’re kidding around in a way that is less obvious than the generic smiley face.

Is it possible to “train” a guy to text me differently?
Absolutely, and we encourage it. It is your responsibility to teach someone how to treat you. So if a guy sends a LNBT (late night booty text) trying to hang out with you and you don’t want him to get off that easy, then you should wait to respond back until the next day, during daylight hours. This will show him that you are not the kind of girl who responds to his late night pleas, and he will contact you during non LNBT hours next time.

Phew! I love these tips, especially the reminder that sometimes it’s best to pick up the phone and call. And now that LNBT is on the radar, we can keep that in mind for when the clock strikes twelve and the texts start rolling in.

The book has more detailed examples of what to say in specific situations and how to make over your basic texts and turn them into flirtexts. They also demonstrate what kind of flirtexts will have the opposite effect (think “desptexts”).

If you’re the kind of girl who believes the fastest way to a man’s heart is through his thumbs, this book is definitely this summer’s must-read!

Follow Deb & Liv on Twitter @flirtexting or read their blog.

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