As an online dating veteran — I first tried online dating over a decade ago — I’m frequently asked by newbies for advice. One thing that I try to remind everyone is that online dating is just a way to meet people. It shouldn’t replace actual, flesh and blood relationships — unless you’re just looking for an online friend.

A lot of people make the mistake of spending weeks or even months online getting to know a person they’ve met on a site. They’ll email and IM and eventually move to talking on the phone, but put off an actual meeting until they feel sure that that person is “right” for them. I see that kind of behavior as a huge mistake. Whatever a person’s situation may be — perhaps they’re newly divorced and just returning to the dating scene, or incredibly shy — they’re doing both themselves and the other person a disservice by allowing the online flirtation to go on that long.

For starters, chemistry is beyond anyone’s control. I don’t think it can be acquired. Suppose you spend 3 or 4 weeks finding out that you share all of the same hobbies and tastes and opinions as someone, and then when you meet there’s just no physical spark. Sure, you saw each other’s pictures. And they might have even been good pictures, recent and accurate. But a picture is just a picture. In person, maybe you just don’t spark.

And then, there are some people who use online dating as a way to brighten up their otherwise bleak days. They engage in these long, drawn-out flirtations with no intention of ever meeting the other person — and you can bet that much of what they’re saying is untrue. In fact, the second I sense that a guy wants to drag out our online relationship and isn’t interested in meeting soon, I assume he’s a fraud and cut him off.

I make it a habit of trying to meet anyone I’m interested in within a week or two — a week if we’ve had the time to communicate often, two weeks if not. I use online dating to find guys I might like and then email to screen for those I’m most likely to want to date. And then I just take my chances and meet the guy for a quick drink.

There’s no amount of IMs and texts and phone calls that can substitute for the experience of just getting out there and meeting someone. Sure, sometimes I get stuck on really bad dates. But I’d rather have that than waste hours exchanging messages with someone totally inappropriate for me.