You’re talking to a new guy you met on an online dating site, and things are going well. But there’s something a bit “off” about your interactions with him, and you start to be bothered by little details that just don’t add up.  Soon, you find yourself facing every internet dater’s most dreaded question: Could he be married?

Different cheaters have different approaches to dishonesty, and this can make it difficult to suss out the truth. Many suspicious actions, when taken one at a time, don’t seem unusual. (Maybe he logs off with no explanation because his internet connection is awful, not because his wife has just walked into the room. But couple that with his inability to plan dates in public places, and it seems a little shadier.)

These six behaviors are all good indicators that your prospective boyfriend might be a cheater. Again, no one of them is a surefire sign of infidelity, but if this reads like a laundry list of his shortcomings, you may have gotten involved with a man who has something to hide.

• His profile lacks a picture (or the picture lacks a face). There are legitimate reasons a guy on a dating site might avoid posting a clear picture (he’s a teacher or public figure, or he just doesn’t have a recent or accurate photo). But it’s also possible that he’s trying to avoid posting too much identifying information to decrease his chances of being discovered as a cheater.

• He moves contact away from the dating site very quickly. You met on a dating site, but he wants all communications to take place outside that site. He might stop logging in, remove his picture, or delete his account after he’s hooked you. Some guys who cheat don’t mind having a profile on an online dating site, but they don’t want it to appear as though they’re actively looking for dates. Moving your communications away from dating sites has another sneaky benefit: if he gets caught, he can delete it to satisfy his girlfriend or wife – and you won’t be the wiser, since you’re already used to talking to him on g-chat.
• He wants no strings, but he’s aggressively private.  It’s not uncommon to find a guy online who wants a sexual relationship with no strings, and if that’s the way you roll, more power to you. But if you have the sense he’s hiding things from you, ask yourself why. Keeping some things to yourself in a casual relationship is normal, but going out of your way to hide the details of where you were and when isn’t. He has no reason to lie to you unless he has a secret that might put a cork in the booty bottle. Similarly, if he says he wants to date you but he only arranges meetings in private places or out-of-the-way locations, it’s possible that he’s trying to keep your relationship hidden from someone else.  
• He contacts you at weird times, or ends conversations abruptly. Maybe he’s only online late at night, or in small windows of time, or on certain days. If you notice an unusual pattern in how/when he contacts you, make a note of it. It might just be that he’s on a tight schedule, but it’s also possible that he’s squeezing your chats into times that he’s sure his girlfriend won’t discover. Another key clue: if he logs off or hangs up abruptly, he may’ve just heard keys in the door. (On the other hand, he also might’ve just lost his wifi signal. Listen to his explanation and apology and see if they ring true.)
• He avoids talking about past relationships. EVER. Certain guys feel like it’s impolite to gab to a new girl about old flames, so this isn’t a red alarm in and of itself. But if he goes out of his way to avoid talking about relationships even in situations where it would flow naturally, he may be afraid that thinking about relationships will remind him of his girl, and that his guilty face will give him away.  Ask him if he’s still in touch with the last girl he dated, and see how he responds.
• He acts erratically. The same old cheating clues still apply to guys from the interwebs. The standard list goes something like this: you catch him lying about seemingly trivial things, he can’t commit to dates in advance, he changes plans at the last minute, he leaves your earshot to take phone calls and then mumbles an excuse about work when he returns, or he wants to keep the relationship a secret. The list goes on, but the signs get pretty obvious from there.  If he’s a walking set of Alanis Morrissette lyrics, he’s probably a cheater.

If you recognize your man in the list above, it’s still not smart to jump to conclusions. There may be a good explanation for his behavior. If you’re worried, consider asking him outright if he’s seeing anyone else. If the relationship is more casual in nature (i.e., you’ve mutually agreed that you’re both open to seeing other people), just make it clear to him that you love the relationship and you really respect how honest you can be with one another. This gives him a good opening for him to come clean, and lets him know where you stand in terms of cheating.

Remember that most cheaters prefer sins of omission over bold-faced lies, so if you find your internet boy to be consistently vague about topics that are normally open for discussion, those topics may be outside his comfort zone because discussing them means lying… or losing you. Your best bet is to always directly ask your guy questions about your fears and to discuss your concerns. (If he’s not willing to have those discussions, you should probably lose him, whether he’s a cheater or not). Good luck!

Comment below: Have you ever found out a guy you met online was married?

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