Online Dating: Be Safe, NOT Paranoid
For as long as there’s been online dating, there have been people writing about online dating. It’s one of those topics that keep people talking.
And for whatever reason, there seems to be a recent increase in the number of articles giving security tips for women who use online dating sites. And for the most part, almost all of them go overboard. Seriously overboard.
They write about online dating as if it were a scary and dangerous thing to do, something that requires extreme caution. And that’s just not right. Because online dating, for all of its faults — and as much of a cheerleader as I am for online dating, I’ll admit it has some faults — shouldn’t be more dangerous than meeting a guy in a bar, at a club or even at your local library.
Here’s a look at some of the more extreme security tips, culled from a collection of recent articles:
- Don’t consume any alcohol, even with food. Excuse me? I’m a grown woman. I know that if I have exactly one glass of wine I will still be pretty damn sharp. Now, granted, I live in a city, so I don’t have to drive home. Maybe I’d think differently if I had to drive. But I feel comfortable having a drink on dates. I enjoy it.
- Take lots of pictures of your date with your phone and email them to your friends, so people know where you are and whom you’re with. Umm, I’d leave a date if a guy did that. Can you say creepy?
- Insist on going dutch. Some men will assume you “owe” them something if they pay for the date. A much smarter strategy is to keep first date cheap. If it’s a small amount then it really won’t matter who paid.
- Use an online “date check” service that will provide you with a thorough background check of your date. This is just ridiculous. Would you use this service for a man you met at the library?
I sincerely believe that tips like these do more harm than good. A woman reading about all of the extraordinary measures she should be taking to keep herself safe is being lead to believe that online dating is a dangerous activity. Which it’s not.
There are some simple and smart things that I do believe women should do to keep themselves safe while dating. And I apply these rules to all of the men I meet, not just those I meet via online dating.
- Create an email account that does not have your complete contact info (first, last name). Use this until you feel comfortable. I usually switch over sometime after the first or second date. Do not give out specific work information or anything too detailed about your address, etc.
- Meet in a public place. Arrive and leave separately.
- Google the guy. Make sure everything he’s told you seems accurate. If you really feel the need to do more, I have one thing to say to you: “trust issues.”
- Don’t get drunk. Seriously, don’t get drunk.
- Go with your gut. If something seems off, don’t go out with him.
Comment below: What precautions do you take when online dating?
Related posts:
- Online Dating: Schedule to Meet in Person Sooner, not Later
- Shorter, Fatter, Balder: Men’s misleading online profiles
- How to Represent Yourself Honestly Online
This was such a good article! Those tips are so insulting to women, especially the one about not drinking. And I love your idea for a separate email account!
Excellent Article – Most important to trust your gut instinct, if it does not feel right don’t meet up. Good luck in finding the man of your dreams. ·**•.♥ Millionaire Matchmaker ♥.•**
As far as the drinking goes, I’d say if you’re not absolutely familiar with your alcohol tolerance, you should go without. I wouldn’t recommend getting adventurous either with your choice of drink. If you do choose to drink, drink something with which you are familiar. You don’t want to be surprised by finding out your tolerance is a lot lower than you think it is; you’ll either embarrass yourself in front of your date if he’s genuine or you’ll end up in trouble (it can happen, however rare). Obviously, you shouldn’t leave your drink unattended or drive while you’re drunk or buzzed.
I generally believe that a woman should always suggest going Dutch in a gentle but firm manner. If you do it right, he can acquiesce if he’s a bit short on cash or he can insist again if he really does want to do it “right.” I know it sounds like I’m trying to reduce the status of women to the Victorian era, but there’s no law that says offering someone a graceful way to bow out is demeaning to yourself. Even if he says he’ll pay, bring money to pay for yourself anyways should things go downhill and you need to leave for some reason.
It would also be a very smart idea to tell a friend where you’ll be and approximately how long it will take. It’s common sense from multiple perspectives.
I always tell a friend where I’m going when meeting a man for the first couple of dates. During the first meeting, I have her call me 30 minutes into the date. This is a good way to get out if it’s bad and if it’s good, keep going!
617694 beers on the wall.
431521 beers on the wall.
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