Should you hire someone to craft your online dating profile and emails?
Online dating is difficult, alright. Research by OKCupid has shown that your greetings have an impact on whether or not you will receive a reply. (“Howdy” is better than “Hey.”) Some folks are sticklers for spelling and grammar. Your profile pic can make or break you. And frankly, the whole process of transitioning from introductions to real live dates is awkward.
In response to the lack of success of so many people in the realm of e-romance, a number of services have cropped up to craft online dating profiles and even write and respond to messages.
Yes, that’s right. They’re the Cyrano de Bergeracs of online dating.
VirtualDatingAssistants helps a client select his photos; crafts “killer text” for his profile; and then “prepares 5-10 initial contact emails” for his approval to make sure they represent his “writing style and personality.” Finally, the virtual dating assistants actually write his replies for him:
The virtual dating assistant begins sending initial contact emails and interacting with the candidates. Your virtual dating assistant works to stimulate interest, build comfort, and, ultimately, bring it offline.
The eFlirt Expert provides similar services. As part of her e-mail reply service, she states that, “You send me the user names of your potential matches and I’ll craft the perfect email that will grab their attention.” She also writes profiles from scratch.
I have to say, some of these services are just plain unethical.
- Helping you to choose your most flattering photos: OK.
- Helping you to craft an appealing online dating profile: sorta OK. (It’s like having your resume optimized for the job market. The only problem is that if you can’t spell or write to save your life, your potential employer won’t know that from scanning your resume or cover letter.)
- Having somebody interact with potential dates on your behalf and unbeknownst to the people you’re chatting up: EVIL.
Face it: the experts who provide these services are way more literate and witty than your average Jane or Joe. They probably know just the right steps to take to make someone interested in taking things to the next level. But what happens when you’re actually on a real date? Is it not obvious that the person your date became attracted to is different than the person you really are?
I’m not talking looks. Many people are deceptive with their profile pictures anyway. I’m talking personality. Physical attraction counts, but I bet the vast majority of online daters want to meet because they feel a connection.
A connection cannot be faked. When you craft an email response, it is “you” who comes out, regardless of how well you put your sentences together. When someone else is doing that for you, there is no possible way your essence can come through.
It is deceptive, plain and simple. If you have to draw the line somewhere, once you’ve had assistance crafting a profile and uploading pics, you’re on your own.
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I think it is a bad idea to allow someone else professional or not into that realm. I think there are more dangers than just Ethics. Mail between persons can be very personal. Who knows if the individual is a trusting open person and divulges some sort of quirk or information that they just dont want anyone else to know or maybe not at a crucial point in thier lives? Should someone do that online? probably not but I believe that private is private and public is public. Two different roads. Having someone else, a third party involved is like someone who tells thier friends way too many intimate details about your relationship but this person is not even on friendship level so they could use the knoweledge for harm. It could be argued that no average person would do that but in my experience, yes they would. Gossip is evil and fun for people who fall prey to it, and it happens all the time. I consider it an invasion of privacy and a lie to hire someone else to handle your life in this way. If you are not a famous person who is too buisy to do it yourself then its just a bad bad idea. I hope people pay attention to the vulnerability factor at least…it might save them from an explosion. It is good to know that people are actually doing this. I know that I will think twice before hitting the reply button in the first place.-Rachel.
I hadn’t thought about it from that angle, Rachel. You make a good point.
“You send me the user names of your potential matches and I’ll craft the perfect email that will grab their attention.”
I don’t think she’s saying she’d actually email the person herself. Rather she’d write up more engaging responses for her client to send themselves.
Personally, I’m wary of people who’s profiles are *too* clever or engaging. They’ve either paid someone to write it, which seems a tad bit desperate, or they’re trying way too hard to seem witty and clever and literate, and come off phony and trying too hard.
Listen, we all know that what people say in those tiny white boxes doesn’t really matter much if they’re picture works for us. I’d say spend money on good photos rather than someone to write your profile. Fewer and fewer people are actually paying for online dating memberships as it is and utilizing the free sites.
http://twitter.com/Moxieinthecity
I haven’t done the online dating bit in a while, but I would let someone revise my profile for me. An honest answer to a profile question doesn’t translate into interesting reading by any stretch. “Describe yourself in three words” could render “warm, family-oriented, energetic.” Great. Who doesn’t possess those characteristics in some capacity? How do I give an honest answer that isn’t the same honest answer the other five matches before me gave? I would absolutely welcome fresh eyes to market me a little better than I market myself. I should really fire my current marketing director, in fact (me). Further, if as some have said the personality clicking doesn’t translate from email to face-to-face, so what? It’s good practice. For those of us who are awkward on first introductions, at least we’re getting chances to get used to it and get better at it, so eventually we’ll be able to bring our best qualities out in a first meeting. Those opportunities won’t ever arise if we don’t have a first email to begin with.
definitelystillsingle – it’s true that a profile does you no good if it doesn’t at least get you a face-to-face meeting. I see nothing wrong with getting someone with perspective to help you look good. But the line becomes fuzzy the more you rely on someone to help you out. I’m concerned about metaphors like “branding” and “marketing” in online dating, as if we are all products to sell … and we rely on professionals to get our messages out.
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