What to Write on a Girl’s Facebook Wall to Make Her Want You
I’m sure there are a lot of legitimate uses for the Facebook Wall, but in my book the only one that matters starts with “getting” and ends with “some.” You can pretend otherwise, but when a guy writes on a girl’s Wall, it’s usually because he’s trying to get something wet. Unfortunately, most guys just don’t know what to say. Well, they know what they want to say, but since “Nice pic, wanna f*ck?” is not socially acceptable, they need to know how to say something that implies that, but that will still impress all 500 of her nearest and dearest friends.
First, fellas, keep the tone light. Emoticons and exclamation points are a good way to flirt on Facebook, and JKs and LOLs are crucial. The sad fact is, the more immature the things you write are, the more she’ll probably go for it.
If you’re at the bar with a girl you already know – say a girl who is always checking her Facebook and Twitter on her iPhone – you can flirt via Facebook right there. If you’re standing right next to her a simple, “You’re obviously bored … let’s get out of this place!!” will get her attention. If she’s across the room, write on her Wall, “I won’t lie, your butt looks reallllll cute from here LOL” Add a wink face for good measure. She’ll check it. She’ll giggle. She’ll tell her friends about it. At that point, they’ll all giggle, and when girls giggle, people get laid.
If the girl isn’t the giggly, wink face type, that’s OK – you need to tailor what you write to a girl’s personality. If she’s a bit more granola, a smart ass, or a hipster, stick with inside jokes, or just post a link to something interesting and relevant to a conversation you’ve had. With this type of girl, looking interested but not overly interested is your best bet. The fastest way to look overly interested is to comment on every status update she posts or photo she uploads. No. Chill out. The more you “Like,” the less she does. If she’s not writing back to you, be cautious. If she deletes your post, well … MAY DAY. Your weekend is going to start with “master” and end with “bation.”
A subtle approach is generally always a win. You don’t want to write too much detail on someone’s Wall because no girl wants to look like she gets around. Still, girls like everyone to know they are popular and wanted. (What else is the point of tagged pics?!) So if you hooked up with a girl last weekend, and think she’s ready for another roll in the hay, write on her Wall something like, “I’ve had some scratches on my back for like a week now. Where the hell did I get them???? I need your help, RACHELLLLL!!!! LOL.” Referencing a past hook-up is a way of marking your territory, which is fine, but keep it light. Don’t write anything that’s for her eyes only. “So … ummm I haven’t heard from you in a week and I thought you should know that I found some weird bumps … do you want to go to the doctor together some time this week?”
If the art of writing something witty or funny is too much for you, take a no-fail approach and simply compliment her! Since we’ve already established that girls love attention, the right compliment can get a girl naked in the time it takes Facebook to e-mail her, “Matt has written on your Wall….” I’m sure this gets you pretty excited, but don’t come on too strong and be all serious. This is where a lot of “nice guys” fail – they are overly sincere. Guys who write things like, “You are so beautiful” are the kind of guys who listen to “Delilah After Dark.” No … just … no. If you want to compliment a girl, you say things like, “I usually get pretty into Macroeconomics, but the jeans you had on in class today were so hot. WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO DISTRACT ME????”
You know how they say, “He teases you because he likes you”? Well, whether a guy is five or 25, that’s pretty much true. It’s annoying to admit this, but it really keeps a girl on her toes and she loves knowing you like her. So don’t hesitate to tease her or embarrass her a little. A funny post from Texts from Last Night pasted on her Wall with the words, “…Was this you? I’m not judging, I swear…” will make her LOL.
If you post the following on her Wall after you two got it on, you will get the same response every time.
You: “OMG one word to describe you the other day: bedhead…. Lol :p ”
Then she’ll comment on your post in one of two ways:
- “Definitely not!!!!” or
- “My hair wasn’t as bad as yours!!!!”
Either way, it doesn’t matter! The point is, now 500 of her nearest and dearest friends know you two want each other. And when you openly want her, she will seriously want you. At this point, carry the joke on via text or BBM. You want to move into a private forum because very shortly, things are probably going to start with “hot” and end with “heavy.”
- How to Write a Status Update to Keep Him Interested
- Marking Your Territory: Peeing on His Facebook Wall
- Facebook Flirting: A Guide to Pokes, Wall Posts and Private Messages