When it comes to exes and Facebook, things can get really ugly really quickly. With all your mutual friends gathered together in one spot, it can feel like a boxing ring where you’re about to go head-to-head. Sure, you could de-friend, but that might cause more drama. But it is possible to keep it clean — no referee required.

Float Like a Butterfly

If you were on the delivering end of the “It’s not you, it’s me,” conversation, you’re entering the Facebook match favored to win. But don’t abuse your power. One option is to set your privacy settings so he can see less of your profile. Go to Account > Privacy Settings > Profile Information. There you can see each profile feature and click “Customize” and then “Hide This From” and enter your ex’s name (and his friends’ names too, if necessary). This is useful no matter what your motivation for the break-up was. If you’re simply not into him and want him to leave you alone, the less he knows about your life, the better. (And the fewer of your status updates appearing on his mini-feed, the better.) If you broke up with him for someone else, keeping your new pictures and new relationship hidden for a few weeks might ease his pain.

Sting Like a Bee

If you got dumped, you can make yourself look great without looking desperate. Again, you can use your privacy settings to manage exactly what profile information he can see. If you prefer to keep him guessing, hiding your pictures and Wall will make him wonder what you’ve been up to since he dumped you. But if you are using the break-up as a starting point to making your life more exciting, then feel free to let him see that! Just be careful with trying too hard to get attention; constantly updating your status with comments of the “OMG my life’s SO AMAZING!!!!!!!” variety are going to come off as desperate. It’s better to just be yourself. DO post about your great day or your good news; DON’T post about all your new amazing dates, your Walk of Shame, or your trip to the ER for alcohol poisoning. But even if you do decide to take the “Share” approach, you can still leave a little mystery in your updates or photos. Let him wonder.

Hitting Below the Belt

Sarcastic status updates are the fastest way to get the gloves off. Don’t post things like, “Katie is just SO happy she decided to date a guy who thought that ‘forever’ really meant ‘until I meet some skank on Spring Break.’” And while we’re at it, let’s just skip any references to your ex’s skills in bed. We know you’re mad – and as spectators, yes, we like it when the fight gets dirty – but maintain your dignity. When you share things with 500 of your closest friends, there’s no taking them back.

Other penalties include de-tagging him in each one of your 400 Facebook photos together and antagonizing him with fan pages (i.e. Jenny became a fan of “Mike Jones is a Herpes Covered Cheater”). And it doesn’t matter if you were the heartbreaker or the heartbreakee — adding his new girlfriend as a friend is definitely off-limits.

And if he does these things to get your attention, don’t take the bait. All of his friends are watching him kick his own ass – and they’re watching you maintain your cool as he does it.

Becoming the Champion

The “like” button can be good to use after the dust has settled on the break-up. The wounds are beginning to heal and whether you broke up or were broken, you really wish him nothing but the best. So if he posts that he just got tickets to a band you know he loves, go ahead and like it. It’s a simple way of saying, “Hey … we’re cool.”

After a break-up, Facebook can start to resemble a cage fight, but if you fight clean, you’ll come out looking like a knock-out, ready for your next match.

Related posts:

• When Is It OK to Block or Defriend a Guy?
• Let’s Not Be Friends: Facebook Ex Etiquette
• Hate Reading Your Ex’s Facebook Wall? Learn How to STOP.