TechCoquette » Facebook

Facebook Privacy and Your Relationship Status

Heather Guith — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 18:34:28 +0000

Remember when not every single thing you put on Facebook was shown to all of your friends? Remember when you could update your profile and your friends had to work to figure out what you changed because Facebook didn’t let them know that your favorite color is now purple and that you ‘like’ the page “I Hate Getting Texts That Only Say ‘K?’” Now, with any and every change you make showing up in everyone’s mini-feed, and with anyone able to obtain a Facebook account, it’s hard to keep anything private anymore.

One of the things that’s hardest to keep a secret on Facebook (or in life in general, really) is one’s relationship status. Not only is it listed right away on your profile, but it’s one of the things people are nosiest about. Even with the new privacy changes Facebook is making, choosing to share your status with ‘just friends’ still doesn’t narrow down the crop much. If your relationship status changes at all, expect to get plenty of comments from friends (many people have 500 ‘friends’ or more), and know that the guy you met at the bar this weekend probably friended you mostly to see if you had a boyfriend you forgot to mention.

However, it’s not just friends and acquaintances who are getting data from your profile. Outside vendors also glean information from the site and uncover which ads to throw on your sidebar based on your likes, your favorite music, and – you guessed it – your relationship status. Single? Expect to see plenty of online dating or matchmaking ads right below your events and birthdays for the week. In a relationship? Plenty of people will tell you they’ve seen engagement ring advertisements and promotions for cookware and food alongside their friends’ party pictures. Whether you’re completely unattached or married, Facebook probably has an ad targeted at you based on what you say about your relationship or lack thereof. Your status is no longer there just to let friends and would-be significant others know if you’re on the market or not. Now it’s used to make money for Zuckerberg and company.

When it comes down to it though, Facebook is on the Internet, and whatever you put there – save secure passwords and financial information (hopefully) – is fair game. Yes, Facebook started as a social networking site meant to connect you to your friends at school. But now – as you should well know unless you’ve been living under a rock – Facebook is accessible to everyone and is being used as a business tool in many capacities. This includes using your relationship status to target you for advertisements, which some are definitely not OK with.

What do you think? Does it bother you when Facebook suggests you join Zoosk.com or buy kitchen utensils? Are you hesitant about changing your relationship status for fear that everyone will speculate and comment on the recent news? Does the recent news that Facebook was never intended to be super-private make you think twice about saying anything about your dating life? Or have you managed to avoid these issues completely by taking down your relationship status altogether?

Share your comments below.

Facebook Re-Friending an Ex: Would You … and Why?

Heather Guith — Thu, 27 May 2010 14:22:01 +0000

After a nasty breakup, it’s easy to hit that ‘de-friend’ button on Facebook. It was painful enough, and you really don’t need reminders that he or she is moving on. Nor do you need to see pictures of them or their emo status updates if you were the one doing the dumping.

However, it does happen that somewhere along the line, you might want to actually gain them back as a Facebook friend. While it’s pretty obvious how you would go about re-friending an ex, the real question is going to be why do you want to? And is it really a good idea, considering your reason?

You’re re-friending an ex in order to…

Check up on the ex

Many times, curiosity gets the best of us, and we really just have to know if our former flame is dating someone else or is even still in the same state as we are. Did he gain weight? Did she lose her job? Who’s writing on his wall?! While it might drive you crazy not to know what’s going on in his or her life, it will probably make you even more batty knowing what he or she is up to. In this case, if you’re just being nosy, and have no interest in getting back together with the ex, leave this one alone. Even if you hit the re-friend button, the other party in the past relationship might suspect something is up and deny your friend request anyway. Which will probably just take those crazy levels up another notch.

Let them see you and what you’re doing

If this is your motivation, I suspect life is going pretty well for you. And this is your way of gloating and saying, “Look how well I’m doing and how hot I’ve gotten since we broke up.” Frankly, probably not the most mature reason for trying to reconnect with an ex on Facebook, but I’m not here to judge. If this happens to be your logic, then consider why you want them to know you’re living life – post-relationship – to the fullest. Were you insecure about something when you were with her? Are you actually trying to make him want you back? Be honest with yourself on this one, and then decide whether or not re-friending the guy you recently referred to as your “psycho ex-boyfriend” is such a good idea.

Show that you’ve made amends

This is one intention I won’t argue with, because it’s actually a pretty good one. You’ve moved on, but you also want to show that you haven’t burned that bridge. Or if you have, you wouldn’t mind rebuilding it. Maybe you realize that you ended the relationship a bit dramatically, or that you flung some harsh words you didn’t mean, and having that person in your life wouldn’t be such a bad thing. As long as making amends doesn’t truly mean ‘stealing him back from the bitch he’s dating now,’ then, with this reason, you’re in the clear.

Just like any other way you might reconnect with an ex, consider seriously why you want to re-friend the old boyfriend or girlfriend on Facebook. If it’s with the best intentions, go for it. If not … well, again, there’s always de-friending.

Comment below: Have you re-friended an ex?

More Articles on Facebook and Your Ex:

Finding Dates on Facebook: Common or Creepy?

Heather Guith — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 10:00:52 +0000

When looking for love online, one has a myriad of options: Match for the casual dater, eHarmony for those on the marriage track, Fitness Singles for the athletically inclined, and even JDate and Christian Singles for those folks looking based on faith. Plenty of sites advertise themselves as a place to find a mate, but what about the less obvious? What about Facebook? With everyone so plugged in and providing so much information about themselves on the social networking site, is it really that much of a leap to find dates on Facebook as well? Is meeting new people via Facebook becoming fairly normal or is it still kind of out of the ordinary?

In a sense, Facebook is already used as a singles site for those who aren’t in relationships. If your status says ‘Single,’ most will assume that you’re looking for something, whether it’s a committed relationship, a few dates, or one fun night. However, generally, the people who can see this information about you are friends or acquaintances, not complete strangers. But imagine if a total random sent you a message or friend request because he thought you were cute or she liked your favorite books. Is it all that different from a Match email?

Some will answer with an emphatic ‘yes,’ because their intention by putting ‘Single’ on the site was not to attract dates, but just to list information about themselves. These are the same folks who will tell you that if they wanted to find dates online, they would have put up an online dating profile. They’re on Facebook because everyone else is, and it’s a good way to keep up with friends and family.

Others will tell you that Facebook is no different at all, except that it’s free. If you didn’t want people to approach you, why not remove your relationship status altogether? Advances from strangers (and even friends you aren’t interested in dating) are easily avoided by simply omitting this information. Plus, with so many people making new friends from social networking sites – from Twitter meetups to blogger meetups – why does finding dates in the same manner sound so strange?

Still, others fall somewhere in the middle. While they don’t see themselves looking for potential partners on Facebook as it exists now, they would consider using the site for dating purposes if it had a separate component solely dedicated to matchmaking. The site already places ads for online dating services on the sidebars of anyone who has ‘single’ mentioned anywhere in his or her profile. But if a place existed on the free site to outright tell other people in the area that they were single and looking, these people would feel much more comfortable with the idea of snagging a date on everyone’s favorite social networking site.

Facebook has obviously proved to be useful in plenty of other arenas, from business networking to finding out if your high school crush is already married with kids. But whether or not people are ready to make the leap and use it as a dating site has yet to be seen. For now, you’ll just have to decide for yourself: is dating a stranger from Facebook becoming more common? Or is it still a little creepy?

Share your thoughts below.

Related posts:

10 Things to Never Write on a Girl’s Facebook Wall

Rachel Wilkerson — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 14:06:03 +0000

The Facebook Wall is a great way to flirt – we’ve already discussed things to write on a girl’s Wall to make her want you. But just like the wrong post can be exactly what you need to make it with a girl, the wrong post can be all you need to break it. Here are some things you should never write on her Wall.

10. “lol :-p had so much fun last night ;) lol.” Yes, internet shorthand enables Web flirting, but there comes a point when we’re just like, “That wasn’t funny … is he really smiling and laughing that hard? Is he high??”

9. “Who is that guy in your pictures? Is he your boyfriend?” It’s one thing to jokingly admit to Facebook creeping; it’s another to creep her out by waving your Stalk flag for all to see.

8. “Sup?” Sooo you’re “just saying hi” … literally. We get that you’re a man of a few words, but in that case, maybe embrace the character limit and Tweet at her. Wall posts need a little meat!

7. “How are you feeling? You were still pretty wasted when you left this morning.” Even if you’re trying be romantic with Sloppy Sally, you don’t want to embarrass her – and a post like this outs her as a boozy floozy.

6. “Sorry but your opinion is wrong.” If you comment on any of her status updates or the links and videos she posts with something disparaging – and you’re not kidding – she’s going to think you’re not into her … and that you take Facebook way too seriously.

5. “Your to cool.” This sends a message that you can’t spell. So does “ur 2 kewl,” and this says that you can’t be bothered to write out full words. Come on now, use your big-boy words!

4. “My grandma just died yesterday, so I’m not having a very good day, but I really hope you have fun with your friends tonight. What are you guys doing? Going to that one bar? I had a lot of fun there one time, when I was with some friends. Well, anyway, I’m off to the funeral home so I may not have service, but I’ll call you this weekend.” There are so many things wrong with this post. First, don’t ever respond to a question she didn’t actually ask you; don’t come at her just sharing information. Second, steer clear of bad news. Third, don’t be desperate and let her know exactly where you and your phone will be at all times. And last, keep it concise! This is Facebook, not the opening chapter of your novel.

3. “Hey Rachel!!! Hope you’re having a good day!!! Can’t wait to see you this weekend!!!!” Well, thank you very much. You just came all over my Facebook page. Let me go get you a towel.

2. “Did you take that pregnancy test yet?” OMG.

1. “If the test says no … and you’re still horny … call me!” DISLIKE.

Related posts:

Keep It Short and Sweet When Flirting Online

Jordan Barnes — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 10:00:32 +0000

Twitter got it right. When this micro-blogging service came to concept, many people weren’t impressed by the idea of using only 140 characters to express something. But the social networking site took off to become the fastest growing in history. And when it comes to online flirting, the Twitter model might be the right way to go. Long messages, texts and e-mails are less likely to get a reply than something a little shorter, and, well, a little sweeter. Just like with social networking, social flirting should be simple and quick.

Remember to save the long stories, explanations and history for real life meetings. Like with anything on the internet, most users are only likely to read the first couple paragraphs of a profile or watch the first 30 seconds of a personal video. Be thoughtful about what you say up front. Get the important details – like your areas of interest, goals and ambitions – out quickly or they might not ever be read. Don’t think of your profile as you, but rather as a sleek, edited representation of yourself. You need to impress quickly in order to be competitive, even in the online dating world, and you can save the gory details for a real life encounter.

The same rules definitely apply when sending a message or an e-mail to a potential lover, friend or date. Obviously make sure to show an interest in something the person said previously or posted in their profile, but don’t drone on and on about yourself. Each message or e-mail should be thought of as part of a conversation – just say enough so that the conversation can continue, no need to write a novel. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you look at it, the days of the long love letters is over. Even these days, soldiers overseas look forward to Skype chats with their loved ones as opposed to letters that take weeks to arrive. So there’s no reason for you to send a 12-paragraph e-mail to someone you’re trying to date. Remember, a little bit of mystery goes a long way. Save the intense conversational topics for a first or second date, not a first or second message. Unless you’re a novel writer, your life story will be a lot more interesting coming through a face-to-face chat or broken down into several back and forth messages.

Essentially, the key to the internet is to remember that the shorter, the better – and this rule applies to the online dating world as much as anywhere else. When it comes to personal interactions, people may have longer attention spans, but the medium of the internet substantially shortens people’s attention spans, so limit yourself to a short witty repartee, a quick piece of a conversation saying just enough to leave them wanting more. After all, isn’t the point of flirting online just to make sure you get to test your skills in person?

Crossing the Divide: Digital to Real World Etiquette

Meghan Beresford — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 10:00:24 +0000

If you’re like most people, you have more “friends” than you’ve ever had before… if you count Facebook friends and Twitter followers. The barrier for entry into a relationship with someone has been lowered to a single click, and this has lots of benefits: the general public has unprecedented access to public figures and experts in various fields, celebrities seem more human, and, most importantly, you can keep up with what those high school friends are doing without actually picking up the phone. And while it’s true that this loose, non-committal form of contact can be a great way to keep tabs on someone you’re not really interested in having in your life, it also works the opposite way: when you friend or follow people you don’t know, social media helps you passively consume information about this “friend’s” relationships, lifestyle, whereabouts and opinions. This can create the illusion that you know a stranger very well, and it can lead to real-world awkwardness.

Not sure what I mean? I recently heard the following exchange at a party:

Guy: “Hey, how’s your grandmother doing?”
Girl: “I’m sorry, who are you?”
Guy: “Oh, I follow you on Twitter. I saw that she was sick.”
Girl: “Oh. Um. She’s better, thanks. Uh, could you excuse me?”

This is a very clear example of someone failing to grasp the one-way nature of most social media communication. He obviously hoped to come off as caring and thoughtful, and she thought he was a creepazoid.

It can be confusing to maintain social graces (after all, if she’s posting it in her Twitter feed, doesn’t she want people to ask about it?). The key thing to remember is that social media requires ordinary people to manage their own public communication and image (aka: do their own PR). Sadly, many ordinary people aren’t great at doing their own PR. They don’t think very carefully about who will be receiving the information they send out, or how it might be perceived. There’s a reason Facebook firings happen so often!

Many people who post on social media sites view their posts as ephemeral, or imagine them having a targeted audience even if they’re posting publicly. (Someone who posts about her grandmother might do so to update the people in her feed who know her well, but if she doesn’t imagine anyone else caring about it, she’ll be put off when a stranger mentions it to her.) This isn’t very logical, but as I mentioned before, using social media requires a specific type of thinking that some people are great at, and others… not so much.

So how do you make sure things go smoothly when you meet a “friend” who’s actually a stranger (or relative stranger) in real life? How do you cross the digital divide?

These pointers will help you avoid freaking anyone out:

When you meet, identify yourself as a follower/”friend.” Even heavy social media users can feel threatened by someone who spouts information about them that they haven’t shared directly. Even if they know that you’ve gotten your info from status updates, they might be put off by a stranger approaching them as though they’re already friends. Play it safe, and, when introduced to them (or introducing yourself), mention casually that you’re Facebook friends or that you follow them on Twitter. This approach has two benefits: first, it directs the conversation to something you have in common, and second, it lets them know where they can find you, and why you already know so much about them.

Identify common connections. If you follow this person on Twitter because your friend mentioned how great her tweets were, or because you have some shared acquaintances, mention that. The less you seem like “person from the internet who approached me out of the blue” and more like “person who travels in my circles but I’ve never met,” the better. If you have no connections in common, but you like their tweets, it’s totally appropriate to say that. Just keep in mind that even though you know a lot about them, they might not follow you or read your updates, so you should approach the conversation as though you’re recently-introduced strangers. Talk about something other than Twitter, if you can. If you follow them because of a shared interest, use that as a springboard for conversation, but don’t dwell on what you read. Concentrate on the person in front of you, and make a here-and-now connection with them.
Be Honest. If you’re absolutely dying to talk about something they mentioned online, be direct about it. If you know from their status updates that they like country music, don’t work in a Garth Brooks reference and then act surprised when they squeal “He’s my favorite.” If you read something in their feed that you’d like to address, ask them about it and let them know you read it. Trying to be clever or sneaky with information someone else has shared is dishonest at best and downright creepy at worst. Be upfront about the fact that you know a little about them — that’s a perfect transition to letting them know that you’d like to know more about them.
Follow Up. Once you’ve connected in person, it’s easy to say, “I’ll drop you a line on Facebook sometime!” You have to actually do it if you want to be real friends. When you see something that reminds you of the person, or are invited to an event you think they’d like, forward them the info with a note reminding them of how you met. “Hey! We met at Jason’s party the other night. I really enjoyed our conversation, and thought you might like this event/link. Hope to see you again soon!” This will help cement their memory of you as a real person, not an avatar, and will open up the door for connecting in-person in the future.

From there, you’re in a great position to follow up and invite them to hang out in person. One final warning: not all Facebook friendships are destined to turn into real-life bonds, so if you don’t click in-person with someone you admire online, don’t sweat it. With the number of “friends” we all have these days, there’s probably a better fit out there in cyberspace somewhere. You just have to find it.

Happy Friending!

Related posts:

Should You Facebook Friend Your Booty Call?

Heather Guith — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 10:00:25 +0000

You finally did it. You got up the nerve to text that cute guy you met when you were out last weekend. So you may have had a few (too many) drinks, and it may have been 1 am, but you texted him. And this wasn’t just any text. Oh no – it was a booty call text. The best part? You were successful! He got the message – and you got exactly what you were looking for.

But now comes the tricky part if you want these late-night rendezvous to continue – do you Facebook friend him? While you may feel like you know him well enough now (at least in the Biblical sense), thinking about the pros and cons of becoming his online friend before you hit that “Add as Friend” button might not be such a bad idea.

A few things to consider if you become Facebook friends:

You can get an idea of his social calendar, including what he’s doing this weekend and what he did – besides you – last weekend.

Pro: From whatever status updates and wall posts he has on his profile, you’ll be able to tell if he’ll be around or busy for the weekend. If you already know he’ll be out on Saturday, this gives you the perfect opportunity to text him again to see if he’s up for a repeat performance.
Con: You may not want to find out about his entire social life, namely if it includes other females vying for – and gaining – his attention. Even if you aren’t interested in actually dating said booty call, seeing another girl write on his wall is going make you turn at least a slight shade of envious green. Was he out with her before he met up with you? Is that other girl going to be at the bar with him Saturday? Are you going to drive yourself crazy just by looking at his wall?

You can stay in contact, and you now have another way to communicate with him besides texting or calling.

Pro: You can shoot him a quick message or post something on his wall, letting him know what you might be up to this weekend. It might even give him the hint that he should probably send you a text at 1 am.
Con: Things start to get tricky anytime you communicate via technology in any form other than actually speaking. You got your message across the first time via text, but add lengthier-than-necessary messages and coy wall posts in, and something is likely to be lost in translation. If you really want to make a point over Facebook, be as clear as possible.

He can get a glimpse into your social life – what you’re up to, which guys are writing on your wall, and who you’re hanging out with on the weekends.

Pro: If he’s anything like you, he’ll use Facebook as a tool to figure out what you’re doing to see if an encore of the previous weekend is possible. And he’ll most likely look at your wall to see if you have any other potential suitors. If you do – and if he has a little jealous streak – becoming Facebook friends could definitely work in your favor.
Con: If he sees that you’re going out with too many guys and way too many are posting, “Had a great time last night” on your wall, then you might not exactly be sending the right message. He might not mind being just a booty call, but he probably doesn’t want to be one of ten.

Facebooking a booty call can be a double-edged sword, so think hard before you hit “Request.” But then again – there’s always defriending.

Related posts:

Dating Site of the Week: Gelato

Jeffrey Kishner — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 10:00:22 +0000

The folks at Gelato have come up with a new twist on dating sites. Instead of the usual detailed profile (“I like walks on the beach and I want 2.5 kids”) which you can pretty much make up, with Gelato you import your social media streams. This way, you almost have no choice but to present your authentic self (unless you’re a pathological liar on Twitter). You can share your Facebook status updates, tweets and photos, plus your music, TV and movies preferences.

To start, you sign in with Twitter or Facebook, with the option to make your updates public. This is all that is required at minimum. However, to increase your “scoop rating,” you can add more information. You can fill out your profile by importing photos from Flickr or Facebook; showing your favorite movies and TV shows by connecting with your Netflix or Hulu account; sharing your favorite music with Pandora or Last.fm; and you can also import feeds from Seesmic and Amazon.

On par with traditional sites, you can edit your profile with relationship status, the type of relationship you’re looking for, gender preference, ethnicity, religion, politics and if you’re a smoker. Plus, you can fill out an About Me section.

The Search

When searching for someone, you can filter by gender, age, zip code, keywords, the type of relationship they’re looking for, and basic categories like religion, ethnicity, etc. When you visit someone’s profile, you see keywords they’ve recently mentioned, their imported photos, and you can view their lifestream (e.g. tweets, Facebook status updates, the last movie they added to their Netflix queue.) To contact them, you can send an icebreaker. If you can find them on Twitter or Facebook, then you can contact them directly on those networks. (Gelato does not link out to anyone’s profile pages on other social networks.)

The Verdict

The upside of Gelato is that (1) you get to see more of the “real” person, because – if they have a high scoop rating – you’re getting a peek into their daily life and entertainment preferences; and (2) their stream is always updating, so you have motivation to visit their profile frequently (in case you haven’t already reached out to them on other networks).

As always, you can’t really tell if you’re compatible with someone until you meet in person, but if you can already tell that they’re funny (from their tweets) and that you both like sci fi and Lady Gaga, then you’re guaranteed to have something to chat about.

In addition, Gelato seems to be a good service for just finding friends. For example, if you’re straight, there seems to be no reason you can’t search for people of the same gender in your area using a few keywords. If you both have the same interests, you can just contact them via Facebook and they don’t even have to know you found them on Gelato!

Oh… did I mention it’s free?

This article has been corrected since its original version.

Stalk Dirty to Me: When to Let on That You’ve Followed Her Online

Rachel Wilkerson — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 16:17:44 +0000

With everyone plugged in to Facebook and Buzz, blogging and Tweeting and updating their BBM statuses, it’s pretty difficult to avoid finding out what your crush is up to. But there’s a fine line between curious and creepy. So … how should you reveal your stalking to members of the opposite sex?

A lot of people choose to pretend they don’t stalk on Facebook. And maybe they don’t. But pretty much every guy and girl I know stalks the crap out of every guy and girl in their lives, especially someone who they think of banging/have ever banged/almost banged/know they are going to bang soon. And that’s fine. Since we all do it, why not just admit it?

Because the thing is, Facebook and Twitter do the stalking for you these days. Just log in and you’re going to see what someone has been up to. Fine, perhaps you don’t see it on her status (“Shannon is GOING TO THE BAR TONIGHT!”) and you avoided seeing it in her photos (a new album called “MY NIGHT AT THE BAR!”) and you missed it on her Wall (five new posts saying, “OMG it was SO GREAT seeing you at the bar last night!”) and sure, maybe you didn’t see her Tweet, “I LOVE GOING To THE BAR!” … sure, it’s possible. But on Monday when you ask her what she did over the weekend, she’s going to think you’re either not into her, or you’re full of BS.

But I kind of can’t blame you. If you say, “So how was the bar this weekend?” and you’re not someone she’s thinking of banging/have ever banged/almost banged/wants to bang soon … she’s going to think you’re the biggest creeper on the planet.

Some guidelines for what it’s appropriate to reveal:

Admit to stalking your friends and your “friends.”

If you are comfortable calling or texting a guy, it’s OK to admit to looking at his tagged photos.
DON’T admit to stalking someone whose phone number you don’t even have. And on that note, DON’T pull phone numbers off of Facebook without permission. Yes, it’s out there, but a simple, “Hey, is it cool if I call you this weekend?” — either in person or via Facebook message — is pretty much required.

Check yourself.

If you say you saw it on Facebook, but really you saw it on Twitter, she’s going to know you’re stalking her from all angles.

DO accept that everyone uses Facebook a lot.
DON’T pretend you didn’t glean your information from it. If she says she went to a party dressed as Wonder Woman and you respond, “Oh, yeah! I … think I heard that … somewhere …” she’s going to wonder why you don’t just fess up.
DO come off as less weird/creepy by just admitting you are a little bit weird/creepy. She says: “So I was walked home by the cops wearing a Wonder Woman costume…” You say: “Ohh. Yeah, don’t think this is creepy but I saw pictures of that on Mini-Feed.” Easy-peasy!

Get caught.

Let her catch you stalking her from time to time if you really like her. If she is already into you — we’re talking third date here — and she says, “Oh I had such a great time at the beach last weekend, I can’t wait to go back,” and you say, “Yeah, your pictures made it look like a total blast! Do you go there often?” she’ll be flattered and she’ll blush — and when girls are flattered and blushing, people get laid. If she’s not into you, she’ll still be pleased that you caught something important to her.

Stalk her fan pages

If someone is a fan of, “I hate when people send texts that just say ‘k’”… don’t send her a text that just says “k”! Then she’ll just think you don’t care. But DON’T go out of your way to reference obscure things that you read she’s into. Some people just accept everything Facebook suggests or don’t update their hobbies very often.

When you’re the stalkee:

DO make her feel more comfortable about stalking you by assuming she already has. (Because … she has.) If you’re chatting with her about your awesome vacation and you just uploaded 300 pics, just say, “Did you see the pictures of us white water rafting?” Then she knows you’re cool with a little creeping.
DON’T retell a story that’s been all over Facebook and Twitter without a disclaimer. “Yeah, you may have seen it on Facebook, but I got a new job!” Again, this just assumes that everyone is stalking and says it’s OK. If your whole life is on the internet, then try not to go into major detail over something the other person already probably read about in great detail on your blog.
DO feel OK with not accepting a second date because someone’s been all up on your Mini-Feed with Farmville updates. Yeah, we’re sure finding pumpkins and selling virtual goats is fun, but sometimes stalking leads to judging, and certain updates are deal breakers.

Ultimately, most people log into Facebook and Twitter a lot and stalk without even trying; those people are going to be really flattered when they hear the person they are into was stalking them back. There’s a fine line between good stalking and creepy stalking, but if you can perfect this, your next status update is going to say, “Shannon is now In a Relationship.”

Related posts:

Keeping It Cool With an Ex on Facebook

Rachel Wilkerson — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 10:00:49 +0000

When it comes to exes and Facebook, things can get really ugly really quickly. With all your mutual friends gathered together in one spot, it can feel like a boxing ring where you’re about to go head-to-head. Sure, you could de-friend, but that might cause more drama. But it is possible to keep it clean — no referee required.

Float Like a Butterfly

If you were on the delivering end of the “It’s not you, it’s me,” conversation, you’re entering the Facebook match favored to win. But don’t abuse your power. One option is to set your privacy settings so he can see less of your profile. Go to Account > Privacy Settings > Profile Information. There you can see each profile feature and click “Customize” and then “Hide This From” and enter your ex’s name (and his friends’ names too, if necessary). This is useful no matter what your motivation for the break-up was. If you’re simply not into him and want him to leave you alone, the less he knows about your life, the better. (And the fewer of your status updates appearing on his mini-feed, the better.) If you broke up with him for someone else, keeping your new pictures and new relationship hidden for a few weeks might ease his pain.

Sting Like a Bee

If you got dumped, you can make yourself look great without looking desperate. Again, you can use your privacy settings to manage exactly what profile information he can see. If you prefer to keep him guessing, hiding your pictures and Wall will make him wonder what you’ve been up to since he dumped you. But if you are using the break-up as a starting point to making your life more exciting, then feel free to let him see that! Just be careful with trying too hard to get attention; constantly updating your status with comments of the “OMG my life’s SO AMAZING!!!!!!!” variety are going to come off as desperate. It’s better to just be yourself. DO post about your great day or your good news; DON’T post about all your new amazing dates, your Walk of Shame, or your trip to the ER for alcohol poisoning. But even if you do decide to take the “Share” approach, you can still leave a little mystery in your updates or photos. Let him wonder.

Hitting Below the Belt

Sarcastic status updates are the fastest way to get the gloves off. Don’t post things like, “Katie is just SO happy she decided to date a guy who thought that ‘forever’ really meant ‘until I meet some skank on Spring Break.’” And while we’re at it, let’s just skip any references to your ex’s skills in bed. We know you’re mad – and as spectators, yes, we like it when the fight gets dirty – but maintain your dignity. When you share things with 500 of your closest friends, there’s no taking them back.

Other penalties include de-tagging him in each one of your 400 Facebook photos together and antagonizing him with fan pages (i.e. Jenny became a fan of “Mike Jones is a Herpes Covered Cheater”). And it doesn’t matter if you were the heartbreaker or the heartbreakee — adding his new girlfriend as a friend is definitely off-limits.

And if he does these things to get your attention, don’t take the bait. All of his friends are watching him kick his own ass – and they’re watching you maintain your cool as he does it.

Becoming the Champion

The “like” button can be good to use after the dust has settled on the break-up. The wounds are beginning to heal and whether you broke up or were broken, you really wish him nothing but the best. So if he posts that he just got tickets to a band you know he loves, go ahead and like it. It’s a simple way of saying, “Hey … we’re cool.”

After a break-up, Facebook can start to resemble a cage fight, but if you fight clean, you’ll come out looking like a knock-out, ready for your next match.

Related posts: